Day Seventeen- Unspoken Behaviors

The nice old lady in the grocery store secretly wants you dead because you took the last 2% gallon of milk. Your younger sibling secretly admires you, but they'd never give you the satisfaction of saying it out loud. And your best friend will scream at you inadvertently behind the boarders of silent cowardice.

Sometimes, no one will put into words what they are truly feeling... bottled emotions are easier to deal with than the brunt of raw emotions. Dealing with someone face to face is easier said than done when it comes to anything emotionally compromising; consequently, most of us try to avoid it.
Recently, I've been struggling with a friend of mine. I don't even think she realized the tension until recently. Amidst all the particulars, she treats me like crap. I've been ignored, demeaned, and yelled at for caring. I have defended her on countless occasions because she was my friend. On several occasions, I've had some strong words with A. about her, defending her blindly....until I couldn't take it anymore. I let her know that she needed to start treating me like a friend and contact me when she was ready. That was a month ago. And still nothing.

What hurts the most is that I defended her. And now I'm not even sure if she'd extend the same courtesy to me.

But through all the bull shit and drama, I still find myself missing her. I want to call her...apologize like I always do.... I won't, though. Not this time.

So dear reader, listen and listen good. If you have a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, or co-worker that doesn't treat you how you deserve, stand up and be heard. Don't think you have to take it. Otherwise the marks from the stampede running all over you, will be permanent.

Day Sixteen- The Normalcy

Last night....was a blast; and yet these Jagermeister sunglasses don't predict much bliss out of my morning. Freshly squeezed orange juice? Forget it....I feel like I've been freshly squeezed of all my energy. People calling in with their inane questions and needs but do my callers give a crap about my needs? No. Selfish bastards.

I was almost late to work this morning which started the day off on the wrong foot altogether. Wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday, I can sniff out that stale smell of beer and smoke. I left the boyfriend curled up in bed, sleeping peacefully which is where I SHOULD be right now. But instead I am booking people for tours that I would never have the money to take. (Little do they know I get them for free ;)

This brings up a topic that A. and I were discussing last night...and that is the concept of a perfect world. Out on the steps of my apartment building, we talked about how in our perfect world we would get paid just to be....or if we were able to backpack around Europe...I could sell my writings and we would be vagabonds... not having to deal with the harsh consequences that are realistically a possibility. Life without responsibilities, ties and unnecessary attachments.

Seriously, think about it! If we had the freedom to do what really made us happy and if we were able to get by comfortably, the world would be a much happier place. Artists and actors wouldn't have to worry about where their next job was coming from. Musicians would play just for the hell of it, ignoring the common cookie-cutter genres that limit today's tunes. The suits would have the freedom to lay down the cell phone and lap top and use the passion they ignored in business school. And women wouldn't feel pressured to be an over-the-top feminist or a busty bimbo.

If only the world were perfect. There would be no need for religion, politics, currency or Starbucks. But until our versions of the perfect world are made a reality we have to live in a state of constant imperfect. At least we have a few vices in there to help spice up the normalcy, am I right?

Hope y'all had a good weekend, readers. Over and out!