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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Day Four- Conflicted

Any average American female is conflicted with thoughts of the future. These women could either become wonderful mothers, taking kids to soccer games, attending PTA meetings and rearing the population of tomorrow. Or...they could become fearless business women, schrewd and successful. Or at least those are the only two options we give ourselves.

For some time now, I have contemplated my future and where it would go. I settled on the idea of becomming a writer, traveling the world and living life to no ryhme or reason. But, as most plans go, they were altered almost as quickly as they were made. About a year ago, a wonderful man came into my life. I never thought I would have to share my future, but I've found that I don't really mind so much. In fact, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with A. And while he is always in my day dreams of the future, the dreams tend to change.

In my first dream, we live in a house, out in the middle of the woods. In the back yard we have a coop for A.'s chickens (yes he wants chickens lol), a beautiful kitchen for me, and a separate room nestled in the back of the house serving as my studio. I'm a writer that works from home and A. lives the life of a specialized
entrepreneur. Possibly a few kids running around. Money never seems important and although we may be poor as church mice, we are perfectly content. And as we get old, we'd sit on the porch drinking ice tea, watching the sun go down.

Another dream I have is considerably different. No kids. No house in the woods. Imagine, if you would, a large, modern apartment. The ceiling is high and every room has a large glass window, allowing natural light to pour in during the day. I have a black desk, sleek and professional. Glasses are perched on the end of my nose as I peer down at my latest manuscript and a free lance article I have just written for Vogue. My passport is full of the places I have traveled with A.: England, Germany, Spain, Fiji, Egypt, India, and Russia. Trophy's of our travels hang up in the living room including a Russian fur hat A. has had since his bachelor pad days. A. has his study on the opposite side of the house. Bookshelves lined with history books and his Canadian hockey player head perched on a mantle piece. His computer is always undergoing changes as he picks it apart and puts it back together again. Money is never an issue and we are able to retire early.

Both of these dreams can be subjected to different variations but the core dream is always the same. Life may not decide to give me either dream. And as cheesy as it sounds, as long as I am facing the world with my man by my side, I'm not afraid of the uncertainty which is my future.

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